"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
