Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
