from now on my penis is your penis
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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