no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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