She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Let's get the cat blown out
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
