Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
