Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
