I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
