what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
