I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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