He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize