What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
