You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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