the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
