I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
