I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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