I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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