i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize