my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
