And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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