Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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