i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
