Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
