i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
