I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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