If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
