So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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