did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
