eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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