you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
