I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
