If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
