I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
