but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
