When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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