Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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