I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
