Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
