I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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