Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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