I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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