I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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