Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
