The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
