i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
