It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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