her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
