My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
