Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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