2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
