I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
