strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
