i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
