So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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