I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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