he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
