the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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