dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
