im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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