I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
