I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize