I wish my penis had an off switch
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
