Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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