this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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