After last night, I could never be a politician.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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