she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
