Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
