Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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