You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
