Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
