I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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