Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
