The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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