I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
