Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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