i can't believe i had my finger in that
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
