I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
