I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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