i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
