Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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