I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
