he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
