Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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