Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
