eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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