idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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