So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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