I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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