about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
