my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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