he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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