he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
