Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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