We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
