my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
