your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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