We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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