The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
