What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
