Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
