Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
