i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
