Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
