Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
