i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
