her vagine was all disorganized.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
