Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
