is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
