vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
