How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
