Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
