Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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