No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
