you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
