pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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