I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
