coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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