dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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